| I think that I would call tonight if I still had your number. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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Hurry up and run to the one you love.
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[18 May 2004|04:05pm] |
New Journal. Comment and add me.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) photoxcopied
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| Are you the love of my lifetime? |
[18 May 2004|01:38pm] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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music |
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only one -yellowcard |
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He told me he still loved me. Nothing ruined that feeling. I fell asleep with the stuffed-animal he had given me in my arms, and when I awoke it had never left my arms. I love him, and nothing can change that.
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On a darker note, I didn't feel good today so now I am home, hoping to feel better. I should be in school tomorrow though.
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sweetnothings789: i still love you...
LuigiTheLove: i do 2
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| So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. |
[17 May 2004|04:43pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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bowl of oranges -bright eyes |
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I can't seem to find myself anymore. I used to be so happy, and now I am lost in a constant sadness that won't go away. The one thing I want I fucked up, and it's my fault. I don't want to obsess over what happened, but the thought never leaves my mind. No matter how hard I try it just never goes away. I want my life to go back to normal, and it just won't. I miss last month, it was the best month I've had this entire year, and I lost it. I hate being a fuck-up. Well, I have therapy tonight, maybe Kelly will help clear my head a little.
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[15 May 2004|09:57pm] |
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mood |
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reminicent |
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music |
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my favorite accident -motion city soundtrack |
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I got the message long before you said you knew
There was no chance of us at all
With no velocity and empty headed hard and far too long
I spent two years alone with you
Just when I thought I had forgotten
You came back soft without a sound
You said we were an accident
With accidents you never know what could have been
So we were an accident
You'll always be my favorite one
You hit the road and left me an ocean
I can't swim in the silence of your skin skin Please let me in-
Side the times we never had right
Inside two years alone with you
You said we were an accident
With accidents you never know what could have been
So we were an accident
You'll always be my favorite one
We could have been
We could have been
Instead of accidental running always running
Why can't you believe
Long winded promises of future company
Up close the sound remains the same
Without the reign of terror over every momentary change
We are exactly as before
You hit the road and left me an ocean
I can't swim in the silence of your skin skin Please let me in-
Side the time I had to forget you
Inside no chance of us at all
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this song is too good now-a-days.
it shouldn't be like this.
i'm lost in an ocean of lies, and i won't even believe my own words.
help.
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| It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub I baptized myself in change. |
[15 May 2004|03:01pm] |
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mood |
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 pleased |
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music |
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usa nails -blood brothers |
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Well, last night my mom and I got Jesica. We arrived at IHOP to find Chris and Dee. We got a table and then Tom Brown and Stacie showed. Larit came to make his appearance and I hid under the table. He never noticed I was there. When he did he walked the walk of shame out of IHOP. It was so funny. After we ate, our plans for going to the bluffs got screwed so we went to Mr. Cheapos. I got Diffuser and then we saw Torface and Robbah J. We spoke with them and then we went back to Chris's house. We played a game of pool and chilled around. Jesica sprained her other ankle by tripping over a twig playing basketball. Chris drove me home later that night.
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Detention this morning was boring, and I left forty-five minutes early. I went to the orthodontist and then to Nyssma. I did well, and I was very pleased. Then my mom and I went out for chinese food which was awesome. Tonight, I have to babysit.
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[14 May 2004|10:36pm] |
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mood |
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 hyper |
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My conversation, along with Dee, with Ryan Simmons...
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sweetnothings789: 110011
sweetnothings789: binary sex
sweetnothings789: wanna cyber?
TheBlueFortune: 100101110101000111.
TheBlueFortune: rock mah world, yo.
sweetnothings789: can i touch your no-no spot?
TheBlueFortune: which one is that again?
sweetnothings789: all of them
sweetnothings789: pretty please?
TheBlueFortune: hmm..can I read a magazine while you do it?
sweetnothings789: if you must?
sweetnothings789: what magazine?
TheBlueFortune: time.
TheBlueFortune: knock yourself out..I'll be over ehre.
sweetnothings789: you're boring man
sweetnothings789: you need some excitment in your life
sweetnothings789: and you dont last long
TheBlueFortune: with taco's?
sweetnothings789: yep
sweetnothings789: ever try it? new things are fun
TheBlueFortune: taco sex?
sweetnothings789: so what exactly is your views on S&M?
TheBlueFortune: facinating..
sweetnothings789: you wanna have a go?
TheBlueFortune: again...magazine?
sweetnothings789: i've met you a few times before you know..after school with Tom and Dee and people
sweetnothings789: we talked about x-men
sweetnothings789: i think you're really really cute
TheBlueFortune: ....this better not be that guy...
sweetnothings789: my name is joe by the way...
sweetnothings789: you know, the red head?
TheBlueFortune: argh.
sweetnothings789: argh?
sweetnothings789: you dlnt like me?
TheBlueFortune: personally i don't care for joe atr all.
TheBlueFortune: ever.
sweetnothings789: but, i really really like you...
TheBlueFortune: your not foolin' me.
TheBlueFortune: punk.
TheBlueFortune: Joe knows nothing of tacos.
sweetnothings789: well, Dee and Jes said you really liked tacos
TheBlueFortune: Chris. :-D
TheBlueFortune: and dee?
sweetnothings789: not quite
sweetnothings789: i do love you<3333333333333333333
sweetnothings789: okay, bye
TheBlueFortune: :-D
sweetnothings789: see you later
--
<3
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| Bad actors with bad habits. |
[14 May 2004|04:23pm] |
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mood |
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 ditzy |
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music |
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time bomb -rancid |
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Today started off well. Kyle not only brought in my sushi, he brought in two pounds worth to share. I knew my day would go well, which it had. I practiced nyssma all day. I really want to get a good report on it. Everyone has been saying that it's amazing, so I'm crossing my fingers.
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After school was great. Kyle let Jesica and I share the rest of the sushi. Then Ryan Simmons showed up and Dee, Tom Brown, Pumpy, and I all went running. We finalized our plans for tonight, which consist of going to IHOP and The Bluffs. Thankfully, the weather permits this. Toni and I had a long talk, which was nice, and then Tom Brown and Stacie joined. I proposed to my pineapple and she said yes, so i promised her a ring tonight. We added up the ass to every sentence, which sounded really interesting. This day could not have made me happier. I love stage crew. They all amaze me.
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| The refrigerator is whining, so I've got reason to complain. |
[13 May 2004|07:19pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
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music |
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make war -bright eyes |
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The day started off with Kyle forgetting my sushi. I should have realized that it would only go downhill from there. During lunch I had a long talk with Stevie, which was nice since we haven't spoken in two months. We caught up on some old times and laughed like we used to. I was able to practice my nyssma solo which went well. Then the day completely turned. Jesica came to me with some news and the two of us, together, went down to see Dr. Kelly. She was there with me for fifteen minutes, then she went to class and he left, so i stayed there for fifteen more minutes by myself. I walked into math with tear-stained cheeks, and could not even care. As the rest of the day flowed by, I soon began to relax my tension. After school was a huge water-fight, and then I went to Mike's house.
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All I want is for someone to hold me. Nothing seems to get easier. Life is one big challenge that we strive to overcome eachday, but it seems as if each obstacle just becomes harder and harder. I miss him.
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[12 May 2004|04:30pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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today was hot and every class seemed longer then it was. after school i hung with Dee because we wanted "Dee and Jesse time". we sat in the rain and talked, and i ended up leaving my camera at school. we had a fight about who's boobs were better but then decided they were equally cool and we both stated we were Boob Rangers. i love my pineapple. today was good.
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i must go dress shopping with Jesica this afternoon.
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[11 May 2004|05:54pm] |
the X martyrer: i watched donnie darko 8 times in the past 4 days
sweetnothings789: oh man, i own that movie <33
the X martyrer: i love that movie
the X martyrer: memorized every word
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memories of virginia. wow, too many to name. i miss camp.
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[11 May 2004|04:54pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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today was indescribable. it was filled with panic attacks and loss of words. thankfully, by the end of the day i was feeling better. i just hate today. especially after what happened yesterday. i couldn't seem to get the thought out of my head.
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yes gamby, you are right. it is needed that we see eachother. and kat is right, parents are mostly clueless to things. we have to teach ourselves to get by. hopefully when we are parents, we won't be so clueless.
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[10 May 2004|04:51pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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i said what i had to say. i did what i wanted to do. i finally got my point across but it was useless. i feel like a failure. i feel as if the world has just stopped turning. my life has started to fall apart. everything i once knew is not real anymore.
all i want to do is cry.
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[09 May 2004|07:46pm] |
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i feel nauseas.
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| Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove. |
[09 May 2004|06:49pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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i don't really know how to describe how i've been feeling the past few days. maybe i'll be able to form some words as i keep writing.
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friday night was my concert at hecksher art museum. because of this i didn't eat lunch. i went to photography with dee and i learned how to print a picture. afterschool dee and i fought over a hat, which Jes is now going to give to me. gamby stayed and then dissappeared with my phone. mike stayed too. i spoke with benza and stephen at the senior citizens prom. the actual concert was in one of the galleries. looking at the artwork made me think a lot. some pieces just spoke so many words. afterwards i went back to mikes with chris. we watched Bad Company but i fell asleep. it was needed to get out of my house though.
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saturday i had to get up early for my cousins bat mitzvah. i had to be there early because i was receiving an aliyah. when i was called up i read perfectly and i couldn't help but smile to myself. the party was at a resteraunt in huntington village. after the party was over i spoke with steph and adrianne. it is always nice when i get a chance to spend time with steph so i felt a sense of over-whelming happiness when i was able to accomplish this. when i got home i took a small nap and then went to mike's house again. clowy was there, and we watched Titanic. when i went home i finished it and then drifted off into sleep. oh, happy seventeenth birthday lindsay allyn drucker. i wish i could have been there friday night.
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happy mothers day. today i went out to ruby tuesdays with part of the family. i didn't feel good so i felt very distant from everyone. the little things started getting on my nerves, so i am glad we left when i did.
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i feel weird not seeing anthony this weekend. i never wanted to break up with him, but i wasn't about to fight over him. i was sick of all the stupid comments, if they were true or not. i haven't felt right without him though. i feel horrible in doing what i did. even everything with evan, i feel like such a failure. i think i messed up my friendship with him as well. everything in my eyes seems wrong in one way, or another. i do miss anthony, but at the same time i can't be with him right now. i wish i could talk with him but i would never be able to form the right words to say to him. i guess i am just going to have to be quiet for now.
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[06 May 2004|03:16pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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music |
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everytime -britney spears |
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well, i am single. i don't want to fight over anyone. jean can have him back. i don't care anymore.
anthony says he does not like anyone else. when speaking with me he specifically used her name. well, we are friends and all is well. i just couldn't stay in the relationship. too many things have been clogging my mind and i can't handle all of that. well, it's okay. i am glad how things turned out anyway.
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| You say that I treat you like a book on a shelf. |
[06 May 2004|02:47pm] |
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mood |
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decided. |
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music |
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miss you -blink 182 |
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well, i am sorry that i am so vague in how i write, i just don't want certain people knowing my business. everyone who is my friend does know what i am speaking about so i don't really care if you don't like it.
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yesterday was just horrible. i hate how teachers lecture and are so general. "four girls left school campus and were consuming alcoholic beverages". it was one of the stupidest things i have ever heard. yes, yesterday i was suspended for the day, and my detention is next saturday. today was just okay. i helped chris out with setting up the lights for fashion show along with explaining to many teachers what had happened yesterday. it couldn't have gotten more stressful. i was running around all day.
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thanks mike, for all the help.
and today we had some trouble with the power amp converter. <3
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| We need a record of our failures. |
[04 May 2004|06:40pm] |
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music |
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method acting -bright eyes |
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This day is just getting more and more confusing as it progresses. I need some time to breathe.
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I don't know what to do. Everyone is giving me different advice and it is all getting to me at once. The one person i need to speak with is unreachable and i feel as if I am going to punch a hole through my wall. My anger and sadness is mixed in with my confusion. I don't want him to take any of this the wrong way, it has just gotten so out of control since yesterday. We need to speak with eachother. If I don't I will feel incomplete and loose much sleep over this, which i cannot afford. I can't even write the details here because this is between him and I, so if you are confused I am sorry. I just needed to vent.
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That's right Evan, we need to speak one on one. If it does not happen today then we must tomorrow. You know as well as I do that we need to have that talk. I am sorry if I sound urgent, I am just very frustrated right now with many other things besides this situation. I do love you though. So, please do not be alarmed in my need to talk. I hope you understand.
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[04 May 2004|05:02pm] |
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amazingred126: so dont wait till you have nothing
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[03 May 2004|04:05pm] |
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mood |
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sdjkhgsjghjlgh |
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i am a shithead.
-
never talk to me again.
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